This body, she is the Earth.
I am back on home country.
My body is sick.
I feel like I have chemicals inside of me.
I feel the thousands of litres of chemicals, of poisons poured out onto these lands.
My body is this land.
It raised me, it fed me.
I feel the pain, of negligence, of thoughtless gain and extraction.
I have no voice here.
I tried. I got denied.
Time and time again I tried to reclaim my place as the voice of nature, the voice of mother, the voice of the feminine. I burned in rage and cried oceans in grief.
Now I walk away. I hear the ego stripping her bare. The patriarchy taking and taking and taking from these feminine nurturing soils. I always feel it when I am on these lands.
I realise now, this karma I inherit. No matter how much I give, I still inherit the karma of my father.
I was conceived unexpectedly, a bit of a shock to the family of five. I have inherited the aliments of my family, quite young. Always felt the weight of responsibility, even before I knew what that word meant. I knew I was here to work relentlessly for humanity. Knew I was a protector of the land and the creatures… but was denied the voice to speak up for her.
Next year I want to become more devotional. Pray like my ancestors once did. Romance in the beauty of nature, make poems of invocation for her healing, my healing, our healing. Let go of this void of partnership and having my own family and just worship the soils that nourish me. Worship the sacred that keeps my soul alive. Forget this heart break, unravel from my own souls karma and take on the karmic debt of my family. I am the last inline, but the first to break these trauma cycles. I came here, agreed to the sacrifice. Agreed to have my heart broken until I turned my love and devotion to country. Romancing now in the dream of intimate rituals and deep healing, returning to ancient ways.
I came here to be stripped bare, to stand wildly naked, unarmoured and unashamed. I’m not particularly spiritual, but deeply human. In this, I embody my soul, there is no separation of spiritual and nature, of body and soul… for they are all one.