Boundaries ~ To be free, not binded

Boundaries, it seems like people almost yell them these days… I found myself very confused about what this word really meant, until I experienced some different view points.

The most profound for me, has being from a Maori woman. Previsoulsy, I have experienced the blurry side of boundary setting. The definition of “I know what I want from you”… rather than “I know who I am”. My experience of this in the context of a past intimate partner has been quite heart breaking, and confusing. Recently I have had a fresh.. well actually an ancient perspective shared on boundary. I understood in this sharing that in the Maori cuture boundaries are seen as: “I know who I am and you know who you are, and our boundaries meet”. This was a light bulb moment for me, as I never really resonated with previous view points of “this is my boundary now stay the fuck away”.

So I finally get this boundary thing… to me, it is not about the other person at all… it is about the self, about knowing the self so well, that you can actually touch another with clarity and love.

When someone who meant the world to me started yelling boundary at me, I was quite confused. Then I realised, they were using this as a way to control me, and as a way to make me the perpertrator. Essentially, this type of boundary setting is actually disempowering for both people. If someone’s boundary is all about the other person… I think we need to ask some deeper questions, what do they actually need in reference to who they are?

Heart break is teaching me a lot about truth and being blamed has taught me a lot about boundary. I now see my responsibility in all of this is to walk away and dig deeper on the realisation of self, of who I am really. I am not who another says I am, but instead… I am who I am. That to me is my boundary. I want who I am, to touch who you are. I will not change myself for you, and I will not ask you to change. I will not shout at you, and I will walk away if you shout at me. I will not harm you, and I will walk away if you harm me. I will not fight, I will not defend, I will not attack, instead, I will walk away until the day you can know yourself well enough to meet me. The day that you do not need to intrude on my freedom, on who I truley am. The day, where our boundaries can touch in love and respect.

I do beleive that this is a powerful force, to know yourself so well that you can remain centred in connection with another. Connection and conversation can really reach a whole new level. I know for myself, when I have this level of connection with another, I literllay have a little evolution of self, and it goes both ways. This perspective on boundaries has allowed me the freedom to have intimate conversations, it has allowed me more connection.